APeX Ministries

Throwing Things At Each Other Since 1996

We Need Help With APeX’s Bio (and you can win stuff!)

by

We have been rebuilding the web site. It is up and functional. It doesn’t look much different from the pervious website, but the new design is going to allow us to do some cool things in the future.

As we are reworking the site we are going back and updating information on the site that is more than 5 years old. One of the areas that needs the most updating is bio section. And we need your help….

We are going to add a “Wikipedia bio (aka stuff that isn’t true, but should be)” to each of our bios. We would like your help. We want you to come up with facts about Gene, Brad, or APeX that isn’t true, but you wish was true.

We are going to give prizes to everyone who comes up with something that ends up in the final version.

Add your facts about Gene, Brad, or the history of APeX in the comments below. (Please be patient if you don’t see your comment right away. We have to approve them just to keep everyone safe and happy.)

Comments

  3. We know that Brad got his mad Ninja skills from St Michael the Archangel. He is currently passing these on to future generations through his children and those who have come into contact with him. Thanks Brad! Hoowah!

  4. Gene is an accomplished equestrian.He has competed in National and International events as well as an occasional rodeo. Once he was the host of the Ringling Brothers Big Tent Show and rode in standing on the back of a rainbow colored horse.

    Brad – when not traveling on the road – juggles his family and running a small hair salon where he is the head stylist specializing in hair raising designs.

  7. Gene, born in Prince Albert, Saskatchewan, Canada, was raised in the Ukrainian Catholic Church in the Byzantine rite. He achieved deaconate at the early age of 52, thus making him ineligible for marriage with priesthood. Fortunately, with great skills in quarterbacking football, he set many CFL records for the most completed passes, longest pass and furthest kick (don’t ask). It wasn’t until 1959 that he met Brad, who farmed close to the Canadian border. With Gene’s strong arm and Brad’s PhD (post hole digging) abilities they were a natural combination for success. Thanks to referrals from Jesse Manibusen and Steve Angrisano, Gene and Brad got together with the Western Canadian Bishop’s Conference to form their insurance company APEX. Due to immigration issues, Brad has been unable to reside in Canada and Gene unable to reside in the USA.

  8. Gene in his free time enjoys ironing, however this is only when it is EXTREME IRONING! (Youtube it for more details) This can work up a mighty thirst and he is known to drink who boxes of Capri Suns.s

    Brad is best known for his ability to smell imaginary creatures. He has been able to help scientists and imaginary creature enthusiasts know where imaginary creature are not. His bathroom, his closet, and over the hill are just three examples they have elminated as possibilities for imaginary creature locations thanks to his help.

    Another well known fact is that APEX originally was choosen for their name because it was an acronym.
    A: Adhoc
    P: Prime Ministers
    E: Encounter
    X: Xenodocheionology

    Which allowed them to embrace their love of Prime Ministers who are concerned with their love of hotels and inns…Gene and Brade choose to change their mission after they realized that there were extremely low numbers of Prime Ministers who fit this category and they themselves were not Prime Ministers

  11. The name APEX actually tells the story of how Brad and Gene met. The zoo in their home town had a new exhibit and teens Brad and Gene met in the audition process for “APe EXtreme” They bonded while sharing faith and passing the time as “sign guys” dressed in gorilla costumes in the hot sun. Their interest in juggling developed naturally from the boredom of those long summer days and to this day in their juggling trunk/bag they still carry the very worn, sweat-drenched plastic bananas that started it all. If you look closely, banana #3 has a Bible verse written on it (barely visable today) that inspired and a-peeled to them so much in those days (1 Peter 3:21)

  12. Gene and Brad were recently honored by the Holy Father for their world famous Cardinal juggling routine {and we don’t mean small red birds}. Papa Benedict was astonished at their ability to keep five Cardinals in the air simultaneously and chose to bestow upon them the coveted positions of Vatican Jugglers Extrordinaire. This has not been awarded since 1652 when Arlo the Exuberant demonstrated his famous pyramid of monks tableau.

  13. Gene invented napkins 1874 while attending the West Edinburgh Preparatory school for Lords.

    Brad only gets out of bed on the left side.

  14. Gene and Brad met in Chicago, IL by happenstance and through shameless product plugs. Gene had just completed a contract with Ed Debevic’s as a Solid Gold Dancer and Gene had just completed well…a contract. You know. It’s Chicago. They ran into each other at a downtown White Castle and went into business together after losing a competitive eating bet to the Slider King of Chicago. They’re linked for life now. Together they devised their plan to take over the world at Walker Brothers Original Pancake House over Dutch Babies and Santa Fe Omelettes! They live in the Christmas storage section of WaterTower Place — and only come out to do tours — and one Ignatian 30-day Retreat per year. In their spare time — they like to practice posing as Chicago Art. Gene’s favorite is Michael Jordan. Brad’s Favorite is the Chicago Picasso. Together they practice posing as the North and South Lions of the Art Institute. Gene is South Lion. Brad is North Lion. Both are working on perfecting their impressionistic skills as the Millenium Park Bean. We can continue to expect great things from this team!

  16. Brad and Gene were born on the same planet, in the same solar system to different mothers, on different days, in different cities, at different times! That’s why they are so special!

  17. Gene and Brad spent their formative years in India, working as elephant trainers. It was while doing this work that they were discovered by a modeling agent who gave them their start as fashion models. They became top models in the area of circus wear and historical religious wear…which is what gave them the idea to create APEX Ministries.

  18. In his Senior year of High School, Brad’s picture appeared in the local newspaper more times than the President of the United States. And it was because of his hair.

    Gene had more TV time than Brad that year.

  19. Brad once won an award for “most attractive left elbow” and the plaque now rests upon the mantle of his fire place as his proudest accomplishment to date.

    Brad once spent exactly 2.5 months learning how to arrange silverware for a fancy dinner and then went on to invent the soup spoon because there was an empty space in the layout that had to be filled with something… and Brad really likes soup.

    Gene has a master’s degree in “Bananology”, the study of bananas.

    ApeX ministries feels a large ammount of sympathy for the Dodo Bird, and are currently running a campain for the species to be brought back through the use of Regenerative Extinction Therapy, which was developed by Brad’s youngest daughter while at day care. It works through a combination of DNA replecation, lime zest scrub, magnesium stimulation, and avocadoes.

    Brad spent 9 months as a Green Beret. Nothing more is known on this time period due to the sensative nature of his occupation.

    Once when Gene was juggling knives, he accidentally dropped one and it sliced his right foot off. So, he got a prosthetic one made entirely of a copper-gold alloy and had it engraved with the first chapter of Thomas Paine’s “Common Sense”, to remind himself that juggling knives doesn’t exactly fit that description…

  20. Gene has the ability to teleport. No, it’s true – it’s even better than being ‘faster than a speeding bullet’ because the laws of physics are suspended and there is no actual passage of time, so he can be there at the first nanosecond of danger.

    You know how St. Francis once tamed the savage wolf? Well, Brad and Gene TWICE tamed the savage St. Francis Middle Schoolers.

    Can I put in a vote for this one?:
    Comment by Greer Monterastelli — August 10, 2010 @ 3:18 pm
    Gene won the national spelling bee as a kid

  22. Brad and Gene’s success on the 1980’s sitcom, Cheers (as Cliff Clavin and Woody) made traveling incognito most difficult; hence, the economical Guatemalan plastic surgeon specializing in spiked hair transplants. Gene’s did not take as well as Brad’s. It was at this surgeon’s ofice that Brad met Jan Brady (the future Joia Farmer).

  23. Brad and Gene learned how to get out of straight jackets in their late teens when they were wild criminals. They were excellent escapees; they were so good at it that the courts decided to just let them go after three attempts to contain the two Houdinis.

  25. In the early 90’s, late night(actual date and time have been erased by the US Government), Brad and Gene were practicing a complicated juggling/escape/sorcery/musical act when they vanished in a sudden flash of light. They were discovered seven days later in the Middle East (location confidential). Government officals were quickly contacted after the abduction, and now any pertinent information has been classified. Some say God brought the two performers to his domain, others say alien abduction is most likely. Either way, Brad’s hair will never be the same.

  26. Brad originally was attempting to auditioned for official presidential juggler, but he entered a wrong door and accidentally auditioned for the government’s superhuman serum project. He was accepted.

    50 years later he found himself in the streets of Dublin, all alone. Nobody believed his wild story, except one young man…
    …this one young man defied the laws of nature themselves, with the ability to juggle nunchucks, ninja stars, and a bostaff all at the same time. This young man’s name was Gene. The went on to win the noble juggling prize, 2 oscars, and one leather shoe. With time they realized they were becoming too famous, and they needed to disappear, which is when APeX was formed. Brad changed his hair, and Gene changed his shirt, and with time the juggling duo of old was forgotten.

  27. It has strongly suspected that both Brad and Gene were replaced by the little green men that live in the walls. The only way we know about them is from a story that was told long ago that has never been written down. This would explain the constantly spiked hair of Brad. Because of the phenomenon that are the little green men that live in the walls, Brad and Gene are often changing places with different little green men and one day they are someone, but the next they could be some other poor unfortunate soul who accidentally changed places with the little green men who live in the walls. Be forwarned: DO NOT LOOK THESE GREEN MEN IN THE EYES.

  28. Early in APEX’S career Gene and Brad would walk around inner city DC mowing yards for extra money.

  29. Who ever would have thought that these two would even meet, let alone become partners in a youth ministry? Gene, a traveling Fuller Brush man in the 1930s, and Brad, the Victorian era inventor of the first waterproof Twitter emoticon, were hardly on the path to Destiny. But a chance encounter deep behind the winter coats of an old wardrobe during World War II turned their lives around. Tumbling from the wardrobe into a Land simply known as the Old City Republic, populated by a fiercely independent people untroubled by ‘law’ and ‘government’, taught them both a valuable lesson. A lesson about courage. A lesson about risk taking. A lesson about faith. A lesson about unicycling. A lesson about juggling other people’s (perhaps their roommate’s?) valuable possessions. And a lesson about not eating fire whilst still *inside* the house.

    These are the Lessons they impart to the Youth of Today.

  30. Oh, I forgot the Most Important Lesson of all!

    The lesson of not buying Trix Yogurt from a Mysterious Stranger on the street. That one might save your life someday!

    And I suppose y’all may have learned something about the importance of friendship. Probably.

  32. Gene was named after a misspelling of his pants.
    Brad is a samurai who became a double agent and later a ninja who learned how to juggle with weapons to scare his enemies and look cool like bruce lee. But he got foreign syndrome one day and woke up caucasian then the japenese began to fight him, thinking he was an enemy soldier. So he fled to the USA and met gene and learned the catholic way.