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Originally appeared in APeX Attack #7 (October 2000)
Letter from the Editors
Greetings once again for the world
head quarters of the international conglomeration know as APeX
Ministries. We hope that the summer has treated you as well
as it has treated us (though we hope yours was a little less
hectic). First, things first. You will notice, if you have
received APeX Attacks in the past, APeX Attacks has a new format.
Not only is APeX Attacks pocket-size, it now is now in full
color. (OK, so the color ink is really expensive. We have only
made some of the words in color, but not the full issue. We
could lie and say that the use of mostly black ink was to show
our mourning of the extinction of the flat back prairie gofer
(the species was done in by Billy Bob's Low Fat and Non-dairy
Tofu and Sausage Co.). That is simply not true. It was done
out of a cost cutting measure. But hey, you are getting this
for free so don't complain.)
Speaking of getting this for free…It is that time again
to purge the APeX database of the dead weight which is bring
all the good people of this world down. Ok, so maybe that is
a little melodramatic. We love doing APeX Attacks, and we love
the fact that we can provide this fine publication to you for
free. We just want to make sure that it is getting into the
hands of people who are actually reading it. APeX Attacks takes
a great deal of time and money to produce. Again we don't mind,
but we don't want to be wasting time or money. To make sure
that this is getting to people who really want it we are going
ask you to do something. We are not asking you to move mountains,
we are not asking you to do story problems, and we are certainly
not going to ask to you to execute The Dance of the Sugar Plum
Fairy. (The thought of such things makes us shudder.) We're
simply asking you to invest three minutes of your life (which
if you live to the age of 70 is 2,209,032,000 minutes long) and
twenty cents in postage (less than the price of a candy bar).
The last time we did this very, very few people responded.
(It was somewhere on the magnitude of less than one percent.)
Because of the poor showing we gave everyone a second chance.
That will not happen this time. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO KEEP GETTING
APEX ATTACKS YOU MUST SEE PAGE 6. Do it right now. Do not pass
GO. Do not collect $200. If you have picked this APeX Attacks
up at a show or conference you can disregard this notice.
On another note, please see the yellow insert found in the center
of this issue. Please take the time to read through it. It
has a great impact on the future of this ministry.
A big thanks! As always there are lots of people we would like
to thank for their contribution to this issue of APeX Attacks.
We would like to thank Angela Haffarth, Anni Dobbs, and Anthony
Farmer (age 5) for the art work they contributed to this issue.
(All three have been awarded APeX T-shirts for their work.
We do not know how to get a hold of Anni. She just handed us
the artwork after a show in Alaska. If you know Anni please
have her contact us.) We would also like to thank Kristen Kaufman
for sending us the picture of the St. Andrew's Youth Group from
APeX, NC (what a great name for a town). We would like to thank
the youth of the St. Bart's Youth Group in Bethesda, MD for folding
and sorting this issue APeX Attacks. We would like to thank
Andrea Graugnard for the two posters and her efforts to try to
raise money for APeX. The posters now hang in our East Coast
office. Finally we would like to thank everyone who has sent
us cookies in the last two years. Oh, wait no one has sent us
any cookies. (hint! hint!) |