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Originally appeared in APeX Attack #6 (April 2000)
Gene’s Journal
By Gene David Monterastelli
Most of my journaling has occurred in e-mails to friends over
the last few months. Here are a few snippets of those notes.
6/29/99 I think my level headedness is very overstated. For
Pete’s sake (and my own) I am a dyslexic computer scientist
who runs around the country with blue (as well as other colors)
hair juggling. Now that is a fairytale. I live it and don’t
believe it to be real. One day just got up and did it. Because
I could. Whenever I am explaining who we are (especially on
stage) I say we are “two punk kids from Wyoming who really
don’t know any better.” It shouldn’t work. It
is a ridiculous dream, but hey here we are.
6/30/99 I can understand what you say about your concern of getting
value from being perceived as beautiful. For the most part of
my life I have never really persued women who I thought were
physically beautiful, because I always feared that it was the
wrong reason to pursue someone. Beauty, I think, comes much
with knowledge and experience. I had a girlfriend who the world
would call ordinary looking, but the more I got to know her as
a person, she was so beautiful that I was almost breathless to
sit next to her. (continued on page 7)
7/2/99 One of the great joys of the newsletter for me is cracking
jokes only a few people get. Sometimes only one other person,
and that is not Brad. I’m glad I think I’m so funny.
7/2/99 Growing up (or I should say older) is an odd thing. I
can remember sitting around a camp fire in MN working with a
group of jr. high youth in the summer of ’96 and we were
playing one of those games where you add to the story as you
move around the circle. It came to me and our protagonist of
our story was in great trouble, so I had Bob Geldoph throw a
concert to raise money for them. The youth asked who Bob Geldoph
was? I told them the guy who put on Live Aid. They asked what
that was. “It was a concert which was in London and Philly.
All day to raise money for Africa in 1985. When were you born?
Oh 1982, never mind.” and thus I began to get old…
I was asked by one of the youth in my small group at YSP if I
was ever going to grow up (not in a manner like I needed to grow
up, but that it was cool that I still hadn’t). My answer
shocked me a little. I told her that I had grown up. I run
two businesses and work to make systemic changes to help young
people have the opportunity to grow in their faith. I have grown
up, but I still play. I think the most destructive myth in American
culture is the myth of adult hood. In many cultures they have
very healthy rites of passage into adulthood. You are now a
man or woman with responsibility. You are to help take care
of the tribe and raise and educate the young. Our myth of adult
hood revolves around stuff, not happiness and virtue. You are
now an adult, go get a 8-5 job, a spouse, 2.8 kids, a SUV or
a mini van, a house with a white picket fence. That is what
adulthood is…. growing up isn’t so bad, but that is
because I have not grown up to be an adult. I have grown up
to be Gene.
7/5/99 I have never really been a big fan social events with
my peers, people I know but not well. One of the reasons is
I really don’t like talking about my life sometimes. I
am this odd combination of being well spoken and being a chameleon
(never having a nitch but parts of all nitches). When I talk
about what I do, I glow at times, because there are parts of
my life where I have found this part of me which is truly me.
It often sounds as if my whole life is that way, but it is just
fragments. The two responses I get so often are jealousy, “How
come you have been able to find something which rings true in
your life and I am stuck in some miserable job?” The other
reaction is a pat on the head, “It is so nice you have this
little game to play for now. Someday when you become a big person
you can have a real job.” The second doesn’t bother
me as much.
7/6/99 When I got up to talk in front of the group of volunteers
tonight, I looked out at the group (30 people, mostly women in
there 40’s). All at once, as if their heads were connected,
they looked me over (from head to toe) and then all took a second
looked at my feet and my painted toe nails. They all tried
not to react.
7/13/99 The work camp is going well. It is an odd experience
being on the other side. Making all of the plans, making sure
we run on time. Doing the visiting and seeing people buy into
that vision and do their parts better than you could have dreamed.
It is very odd being in the leadership role that I am in. I
(by default) am in charge of the adults. I am running all of
the adult meetings. All of these grown-ups walk up to me and
ask permission if they can do things. It is all too odd. It
is fun playing with it, though. If a young person is walking
by, I will say in my best grumpy old neighbor voice, “Where
are you going?” They pause and a bit sheepishly will give
me an answer. I then say, “Well have a good time.”….
It always amazes me when we travel to find adult who are willing
to give up their weekend to help run an event for no other reason
than they love young people. It is always an experience to give
me hope, but I don’t think there is words to describe what
I have experienced here. There are a group of adults who have
surrendered an entire week. Some have left their families, others
have left jobs (some have to take a week of their precious vacation)
to be here. Very few of them would be called professional ministers,
but they truly are ministers of Christ. They are here because
they love the Lord. They are here because they want to bring
peace and joy to young people. They are here to grow themselves.
I have seen them take care of the sick, the hurt, and the lost.
I have seen them cry. I have seen them hug. I have seen them
laugh. I have seen them scared. I have seen them frustrated
and at times overwhelmed. But some how they keep finding the
strength to keep serving. They have stopped their lives to give
others the chance to grow.
7/15/99 I realized last night why I am enjoying this week so
much. I have taken the role as host and I have lots of short
times at the mic. So I am not giving a 1 hour show, and I am
not doing any shtick. I am having a week long conversation with
the kids. Each time I get up there I am just talking about the
new things which happened today (to me and others), and I get
to tie it to other things I have said… I love the fact that
I can do ministry with out being noticed, that means (at least
in my mind) I am doing ministry for the right reason. I am not
doing it to get emotional response. I am not doing it for personal
glorification. I am common as a painting in the living room
of your house. It is always present, but you don’t notice
it all the time. It is just always there.
7/19/99 The coolest thing I saw over the weekend was a group
of 5 Benedictine nuns in full vestments (that is, only having
the hands and faces visible. Long flowing white and black garments)
playing tennis. They were not just daintily playing either.
They were going after it… it is so important to have young
people be given the opportunity to see people living consecrated
life as real people, who do things besides just pray…“When
you love the unlovable, you can love them into an experience
with God.” That is what our speaker said Monday night.
Very cool thought. You can love an outcast into feeling the
Body of Christ. The thing which always amazed me about Jesus
is the fact he disarmed them with love.
7/20/99 “We cannot know what will occur; just make the journey
worth the taking.” That is such a good sentiment and an
awesome prayer.
8/5/99 Truth rings a chord in us. Our soul is truth and when
we encounter truth our soul sings. We just have to be at a point
in our daily lives where we can hear that.
8/31/99 After our show on Saturday night a woman, in her sixties,
walked up to me to thank us. She said, “Thank you very
much. That was great. I know there are two of you and I only
have this one scarf.” She takes her scarf off and hands
it to me. “You really touched my heart and I want you two
to have it.” Gives me a hug. “I am just a crippled
old woman who doesn’t seem to have even one ball, but I
am (Gene’s Journal continued from page 7) going to go
home and look for it.” (in reference to our version of the
parable of the talents)
9/14/99 My buddy Jesse is out here from Alameda, CA. He is a
singer (and that is putting very mildly). I feel so humbled
having him in my home…he shared with me two of his new songs
to night. It is a real struggle for me not to be a musician.
I wish I could sing.
9/25/99 The problem with being a poet: What do you do with the
other 23 ½ hours of the day?
9/26/99 The stories we tell do not say anything, really, about
the past. The stories we tell, about ourselves or anything else,
say something about who we are, how we see ourselves, or who
we want to be. Even the stories we tell about ourselves are
not necessarily truth about the past. The glasses of nostalgia
are tinted rose or black. We color our history (and all history)
to meet our purposes (consciously or otherwise)… I learn
so much about myself when I tell stories. I hear in my own voice
what I think is important, who I think I am and who I want to
be. |