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Originally appeared in APeX Attack #5 (November 1999) From the Editors
Three years ago, two young men climbed into a rental car at
9:00 PM on a Tuesday night. They drove through the night to get
to Orlando, FL for the National Conference on Catholic Youth
Ministry. On the way down, they listened to their show music
over and over again, visualizing their juggling piece. After
driving out of a raging storm, they stopped at the Florida/Georgia
border where they found a Waffle House for breakfast (in which
Brad experienced grits for the first time, an experience which
he does not remember fondly). Five more driving hours later,
they arrived at the conference. After setting up their booth,
Gene and Brad began to tell the world what APeX was going to
be. They had worked for months (if not their whole lives) for
this moment. Then on Friday night, after two days of trying to
tell anyone who would listen (and some who would not) what APeX
was, they performed for the first time, showing the world what
APeX was to be.
In the past three years, APeX has crisscrossed the country. They
have slept on sofas, floors, and in cars. They have worked with
groups as small as 5 (in the middle of the night in Maryland)
and as big as 30,000 (at the Papal visit in St. Louis). They
have had many people come in and out of their lives. One of the
APeX guys (Brad) has even gotten married. They have seen wonderful
ministry in many different forms all over this great land. In
all that they have learned through this experience, one thing
stands out. The only way to get any of the readers of APeX Attacks
to send stuff in is to exploit Gene’s psychological disorders.
Only after pleading and begging and Gene-bashing did we get much
of a response. Thank you to those who did respond. We will take
any out pouring of affection (even if we have to bribe you with
free stuff to get it). [Note to the readers from Brad:
Some have commented that I have been too mean to Gene in past
newsletters. I would never belittle Gene in our publications…
he does a fine enough job of it by himself. Please keep Gene
in your prayers…]
Out of the over 2970 newsletters we sent out, we have now
received a grand total 423 responses, which is 14.2%. Many of
the postcards we received in the second batch were filled with
apologies and excuses. Here is one example of such from Tiffany
Tracy …I just got my APEX ATTACKS summer/spring issue.
It was lovely. My mom actually laughs out loud when she reads
them. …I make everyone I know read your newsletters and
I wear my APEX t-shirt all the time.(Well, not ALL the time,
I have to wash it and I have to rotate it with my other shirts,
but I wear it a lot...) It’s a great conversation piece!
Sadly to say I am not one of the 0.03% that responded to your
postcard thing. I meant to, I REALLY did. But when I got the
issue I was staying at a friend’s house because my mom was
in Florida and I left the issue with her and I didn’t have
my number... See, I was redoing my room and now everything I
own is sitting in the garage. I can’t move it all back until
I paint, but as soon as I paint, and move everything back to
where it should be I WILL send the postcard fully equipped with
my number! Ok ok...guilty conscience. I HAVE to tell you what
REALLY happened...Are you ready?… Ok, I was just sitting
at home minding my own business and I saw something running across
the floor in my house. So I looked up from the book I was reading
and there were these little green men. They looked a little mad
to me, so being the kind considerate person I am, I offered them
a Popsicle! They all accepted and we sat down to eat our delicious
Pop-Ice popsicles and I asked them why they were mad and they
said it was because their dad was in a grouchy mood because he
hadn’t been getting his Apex Attacks. (Yes, the little green
men were REALLY saying this!) So, I offered them mine, before
I could get my number and the address from it. So, I couldn’t
send you my number and postcard. BUT! I did make the little green
men happy! They come to visit me often now! So, you should be
happy I made new friends!
We see. It is scary to think that some of the excuses were
even more elaborate (see “In the Cards” page
7).
We had really hoped that there would be a greater response,
but what was lost in quantity was made up for in quality. The
stuff that we received was amazing. The following people are
going to be receiving free stuff: Bobby Mullins, Kristy Ulrich,
Sarah Fackender, Janine Surma, Mia Park, Susan Broan, Talia Linneman,
Ashley Trujillo, Andrea Galvan, Jennifer Jo Tarpley, Heather
Junker, Elena Casaus, Sheberia Wolfe, Breanne Garcia, Theresa
Madaus, Tessa & Angela Hoffarth (Gene’s favorite), Laura
Young, Melissa Main, Carina Cormick, Caroline Miesle, Callie
& Sara Domek, and Andrea Veres because of hand crafted things
they sent to us. We received all sorts of artwork and poems.
Some of which you will see sprinkled through out this newsletter
as well as on the web page (see below). Please keep the artwork
coming! We love it all! Don’t feel like just because you
are not the best artist you can’t draw anything. One of
the bits we received was from someone who is not an artist and
it was one of the best things we received. We promise if you
send us hand-crafted stuff we will send you free stuff. You will
receive limited edition APeX merchandise only given to our favorite
people.
We are very excited to announce two new extensions of APeX
ministry. First, the long awaited APeX web page is here. Now,
we are quite sure that many of you had many a sleepless night
riddled with anticipation for this day. It has only taken two
years longer than we had hoped to have it up and ready. Simply
point your browser at APeXMinistries.com. The web page includes
pictures from the road, video footage of Gene and Brad juggling,
articles from past APeX Attacks, and a forum where you can answer
the question of the month. More importantly there is artwork,
pictures, writing and poetry from readers like you! Second, we
are very happy to announce the coming birth of Digital APeX Attacks
(DA2). Every three weeks (or so), starting January 15th, 2000,
you can receive a free copy of DA2 in your e-mailbox. Our goal
is to make DA2 funny and informational as well as challenging
to all of us in our spiritual walk. It will contain different
stories than those in its sister publication, APeX Attacks. To
receive DA2 all you need to do is sign up on the APeX web page.
We would like to thank Jeff Griffen the 1999 APeX Apprentice
for all of his hard work. You will never know how indebted to
all of his hard work we are. It is really too bad that more of
the world has not had the opportunity to experience his wonderful
and very sharp sense of humor. Some of his journal is included
in this issue. Jeff worked very hard at this, some days writing
as much as an hour. When we first read it we were not going to
publish it because it is much funnier than much of the stuff
the regular Editorial Staff writes. In the end we gave in because
it filled a bunch of space. You can find the “hardly edited
at all” version at our web page under the APeX Attacks link.
We would also like to thank the youth of St. Bart’s Parish
in Bethesda, MD (and their fearless leader, the princess) for
giving up an evening to fold and collate this issue. (We are
sure it was a huge sacrifice to give up a night of studying to
help us out.) And a huge thanks to the talented Mrs. Joia Farmer
for getting the mailing lists onto the computer! |