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Originally appeared in APeX Attack #5 (November 1999)
APeX' Index
Number of states visited: 30 (Alabama, Colorado,
Delaware, District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana,
Iowa, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan, Missouri,
Nebraska, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio,
Oklahoma, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah,
Virginia, West Virginia, Wyoming) And one Canadian Province!
(Niagara Falls, Ontario)
Number of states performed in: 27 (Alabama, Colorado,
District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Illinois, Indiana, Iowa,
Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan, Missouri, Nebraska,
New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Oklahoma,
Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Wyoming)
Number of weddings Brad juggled at this summer: 3
Number of weddings Gene juggled at this summer: 3
Number of these they worked together: 1
Number of weddings either were paid for juggling at: 0
Good career to avoid: wedding juggler
Place in DC Brad & Joia frequent together: the dentist
(we’re putting Dr. M’s kids through college… and
he’s not even married yet)
Good career to consider: dentist
Number of times Brad took Joia to the emergency room since
their wedding: 3
Number of times Brad took Joia to the emergency room on
their honeymoon: 2
Great name for a city: Apex, NC
Theater to avoid in Baltimore: Apex Theater
Place to get your eyes checked in downtown DC: Apex
Optical
Place to get your car fixed near Deep Ellem in Dallas:
Apex Auto
Name for an unknown gorilla: Ape X
Name of a gorilla we know: Gene
Number of days Jeff, Apex Apprentice, spent with APeX:
32
Number of times Jeff had to carry Gene and Brad’s
bags: 32
Number of times Jeff went grocery shopping: 2
Number of times Jeff had been grocery shopping before joining
APeX: 0
First time Jeff went grocery shopping, number of things
he put in the cart: 0 (“I don’t know how to
buy food.”)
Number of times Jeff did Gene’s laundry: 0
Amount of pay Jeff was docked for not doing Gene’s
laundry: 100%
Number of times Jeff cooked for himself: 3 (Our
little Jeff is growing up!)
Number of autographs signed by Jeff: 3
Of those, number of autographs signed by Jeff at events
where his only task was to carry bags and sell t-shirts: 2
Skills Jeff learned working for APeX: how to carry
heavy bags, cooking mac and cheese, how to fold a newsletter,
how to sell t-shirts
Number of APeX Attacks #4 printed: 4500
Number of APeX Attacks #4 mailed in July: 2970
Cost to print and mail APeX Attacks #4: $3500.00
Number of hours spent by Gene, Brad, Joia and Jeff to create
and mail APeX Attacks #4: 175
Number of paper cuts received by APeX’s staff folding
and collating APeX Attacks #4: 9
Number of e-mail, letter, and postcard responses received
by APeX from requests in APeX Attacks #3 and #4: 423
Amount of money spent by APeX per response: $8.27
(50 of the responses were in the form of e-mail. In response
to our hard work and expense people were moved to send us an
e-mail. Boy we feel loved!)
Amount of time spent by APeX per response: 24 min 49
seconds
Number of paper cuts per response: 0.021
Number of sleepless nights Gene endured because he thought
no one was reading APeX Attacks: 123 |