- FAQ
- Schedule
- APeX Thowing Up!
- APeX
Attacks
- Digital
APeX Attacks
- Audio
APeX Attacks
- Photo
Gallery
- Guestbook
- Merchandise
- Links
- Promo
Kit
- References
- Friend's
of APeX
- Gene
- Brad
- Contact
Us
- APeX
Points
- Site
Tour
- Home
-
|
Originally appeared in APeX Attack #3 (January 1999)
Gene's Journal
By Gene Monterastelli
I received a few letters asking why pieces of my journal were
not included in the last “APeX Attacks”. The answer
is simple: I didn’t think any one wanted it there. So at
reader request, it is back.
04/13/98
…I have just returned from this 11 day Easter road trip
and I should be writing about it, but my head is swimming with
other thoughts which are asking to be written before they are
lost. I guess that is what happens when you spend 3000 miles
in a car by yourself…I read an interview with Shirley Manson
(lead singer of Garbage) and she spent a good bit of time talking
about being a pop star. She loves being a pop star, but what
is our deal with celebrity? Personally, we have done shows for
40 people and when the audience has left we might get, “I
really enjoyed the show.” Other times we have done shows
for more than 1000 and afterwards we are mobbed for autographs.
We have not changed, our show has not changed, but some how we
are different to the two audiences. Nothing creates frenzy like
frenzy. We look at a celebrities and think they are so great
because everyone else does and/or we wanted to be loved like
that as well. I guess it is part of our need for great memories
and lore. “Look at this picture of me and [some rock star]!”
I do it all the time, telling about the times I have met various
presidents and Henry Winkler. Not that these are not ordinary
people. Some reason they are more and I am more because I have
brushed against them…
04/14/98
…the trip was great in two ways. First it gave my mind time
to do the thinking it needed to do. It was to the point I could
drive 6 ½ hours without stopping and that was because
I needed gas. My mind was so off on its own that I didn’t
remember to stop to eat or go to the bathroom…the second
reason the trip was so great was because it was about the people
I was visiting. It had nothing to do with the places I was. As
an example at my first stop we returned pants, hunted for running
shoes, shopped for groceries, and got a movie. We chatted the
whole time…
04/24/98
…the trip to Dallas is one of the oddest we have ever had…we
really made a connection with some of the kids, and it was sad
to leave. We received one of the best compliments. We were told
one of the youth said, “I feel like I have known these guys
my whole life.” Our first show was at a private all girls
school. The show was 750 high school girls and us. It was the
absolute antithesis of my high school experience. We had their
attention…That evening we met with the youth we would be
working with over the weekend. We juggled for them and they asked
us questions. They sang for us and we asked them questions. One
of the questions I asked was how they had grown from youth activities.
Later that evening one of the adults pulled me aside to explain
how she had grown from working with the youth. I felt blessed
that she wanted to share that with me…we did shows all day
Saturday and we were out side for nine hours on Sunday working
with youth. At the end of that we went to mass then off to our
last show. After mass I asked Brad if he prayed for strength.
He responded, “No, but I stayed awake.” At this point
we were both fired up and then did one of the best shows we have
ever done…
08/23/98
…I got up this morning about 8 with no real direction, other
than to get out and maybe my allergies would feel better. (Isn’t
it “my head feels better,” because of less pressure?
I don’t think my allergies can feel anything.) The next
thing I knew I was at mass at St. Francis de Sales in Salisbury,
MD. The mass was not the most upbeat, but there was a real sense
of community. When a family sat down next to me they greeted
me. It is sad that I am shocked by such things, but it caught
me a bit off guard…
09/19/98
…Thursday night we did a show at Peace kids, which is an
evening program for kids in Washington, DC. A friend is a counselor
there and she asked if we could do a show. Most of the kids are
in families more than 5 kids, and many only have one parent around.
Some have drug addicts as parents. During our little show the
kids laughed and jumped around. At one point we were passing
clubs and they were running around us and dancing to the music.
While doing the “Clown of God”, a few jumped up with
us and started acting with us. After the show my friend said
she “had never seen them sit so still” and “that
they were puddy in our hands”. Just amazing…
09/29/98
…I had dinner with a friend and almost felt bad talking
about my life as I just gushed with joy…For the last few
weeks I have been trapped in an euphoric joy of life. What is
even a more interesting thought is that the fact that I have
come to the realization that this joy is not necessarily tied
to what I am doing, but that fact that I am being myself in the
moment and it has manifested itself in to the life I have. It
is not what I am doing, but who I am being (me)…I have realized
(again!) the need and power of going to daily mass. The structure
of taking time out of my day to spend with my relationship with
God. It is amazing how quickly I broke out of a funk and was
flooded with ideas again once I started going to mass again.
Maybe someday I will listen more than just at mass, but in all
things I do…Last night after our show most of the crowd
rushed out to the hall for the punch and cookies, but a father
of one of the jr. high students stayed behind to talk. It was
an interesting conversation about having a personal relationship
with God and how you find that. It still strikes me as odd when
adults ask me questions like that. I just look like a kid (and
act like one). It is odd to see a man, with a 12-year-old daughter,
as my peer, or someone who is looking to me for help or insight
of some sort…
10/03/98
…we are finally out of town to be gone for two months. I
can now stop thinking about all of the details I have to get
done before we leave…one of the details I had to take care
of was paying our taxes and squaring up the books. Much to my
surprise as I typed in all of the checks in to the computer my
account balance read in the red (meaning some of the checks were
going to bounce) Fortunately many of the checks are not due until
the end of the month, so if I hold off mailing them till after
the deposit for this weekend’s work we will be fine. I said
all along if we could just make it to October 2nd we would be
golden (or at least be able to maintain subsistence) and I think
we are going to make it…spent two hours today driving from
Wichita, KS to Dodge City, KS. A very typical drive through KS.
The land is so flat that if you look far enough you can see the
back of your own head. There was a little rain and the clouds
hung low but the sky still seemed so much bigger out here in
the great plains. The horizon is not something which is just
in front of you as an end point, but it wraps all the way around
you like a big hug and it has depth as an object, not just the
end of space…I love radio in rural America. At one point
we could get three radio stations: a county western music station,
a high school football game, and a Christian preacher. As we
where leaving Wichita we could get two “modern rock”
stations. Not only did I not recognize any of the music, I didn’t
like any of it. I guess I am getting old…
10/04/98
…the wake up call this morning at Motel 6 was a recording
of Tom Bodet. I’m sure it is an omen, but of what, I could
not tell…
10/15/98
…October 4th we arrived in Jefferson City, MO. We had just
enough time to introduce our selves to the staff, eat some chicken,
warm up and we were on. I have really come to enjoy the fact
that we are able to come to a place very early and get to know
the adult volunteers and the youth helping out. I feel much more
connected to the audience when we get on stage and know the character
of the area a little better. During the brake between our keynotes
we were interviewed by a local news station. The reporter came
to do a story on the youth rally and ended up doing a story on
us. I felt bad for stealing the spotlight. The story was very
nice (especially considering we hit her with a club while she
was recording us.) As the interview ended we were told we were
about to go back on. As we entered the side door of the performance
area it quickly became obvious that we had all ready been introduced
and they were looking for us…A girl no more than six years
old walked up to Brad after a show in Casper, WY and asked, “Why
is Gene wearing clown shoes? Is he a clown?” Brad explained
that my feet really are that big. In disbelief, she walked over
to me and asked if my feet were really that big. I told her they
were and took off my shoe to show her. I then took both of her
feet, with her shoes still on, and placed them into one of my
shoes…
10/16/98
…it is snowing in Casper, WY today and the whole world knows
it. Not because they are watching the weather channel and not
because any of them care enough about this small Wyoming town
to look at the map at the back of USA Today to see what color
it is shaded. Today is the funeral of Matthew Shepherd. Matt
is a young man who just a week or so ago was not much different
than me. A young man from Casper, WY. We went to the same jr.
high. We even had the same ninth grade history teacher (4 years
apart). One week later people all over the world knew his name.
His family receives sympathies from world leaders. He was who
he was, not afraid to hide it, but never did so, in a manner
which infringed upon anyone else (or so the story goes). Now
he has moved from average young man to martyr…in his death
he had been able to shape the national consciousness and public
policy more than he ever did in his life. I wonder if he ever
dreamed the President of the United States would say his name?
I wonder if he ever dreamed that he would be bring about discussions
about hate and violence in classrooms, boardrooms and barbershops?
I wonder what he is thinking as he looks down from above? Was
this the way he thought he would challenge the world?… |