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Originally appeared in APeX Attack #3 (January 1999)
From the Editors
We would like to wish a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New
Year to you all. (See we are now sophisticated city folks. We
no longer say “y’all”, but instead “you all”.)
We pray that you were able to enjoy the true blessings of the
Holidays. If you look at the cover of this fine periodical (OK
it is just a newsletter) you will see that this is our Christmas
addition of “APeX Attacks”. I have a feeling this is
striking some of you as odd because a quick check of the calendar
will show you that it is January and Christmas has passed. Well
there is a very good reason for this. We understand that the
Holidays are a very full and busy time for everyone. Family to
see, gifts to buy, Christmas letters to read and write. We felt
that we didn’t want to burden you with one more thing to
think about. So we have sent our Christmas issue out late with
you in mind. (Truth be known we were both home over Christmas
spending time with our families and really didn’t want to
work on this, so just pretend that this is the first Christmas
thing you are receiving for the 1999 Christmas season.)
Very important: Producing “APeX Attacks”
is truly a labor of love for us and we are very happy to continue
sending them out at no cost you (“APeX Attacks” is
a bargain at twice the price, two times nothing is nothing which
is a bargain). Because of the sheer numbers which are now on
our mailing list, and becasue of the cost which goes along with
producing that many newsletters we want to insure that these
newsletters (which contain no real news so we’re not really
sure why they’re called newsletters) are getting into the
hands of people who are truly reading them (we would feel guilty
about killing a bunch of trees if we were wasting paper by send
newsletters to people who don’t read them). In order for
you to keep receiving “APeX Attacks” free of charge
you need to do one simple thing. On a postcard (not in a letter)
write the number which appears in the top left corner of the
mailing label (we don’t need your name or address or favorite
Spice girl, just the number), write our address (PO Box 50395
Washington, DC 20091), put a postage stamp on it (so we get the
postcard), and mail it. We will send a free APeX T-shirt to the
person who sends us the cheesiest postcard what’s more,
Gene and Brad will each select their favoritepost card from those
sent in, and the senders will also recive free T-shirts. It would
make life easier for us if you also wrote the color and size
of the T-shirt you would like (because we know you are going
to win). If we do not receive a post card from you by the publishing
of our next newsletter you will be removed from our mailing list
(a fate worse than death).
We have a confession to make. In the last issue of “APeX
Attacks” we had a picture labeled as “Adam in his room”
and the picture is located to right. That is not a picture of
Adam. The original picture of Adam was taken in poor light and
did not come out. When it was time to retake the picture Adam
was not around so we used Gene as a body double instead. The
instance has caused Gene to lose nights and nights of sleep this
fall as he was gripped by guilt. Also, appearing as Adam’s
body double has caused a major identity crisis. Gene now thinks
he is from Montana, that he is going to be a great architect,
and that he has a girl friend who lives in Boston. Worst of all
he keeps walking up to people saying, “Hi! I’m Adam
and you are going to like me.” We apologize for deceiving
you and promise it will never happen again.
We are very happy at the number of responses we received for
the cover art contest. The best letter, which accompanied a piece
of cover art, was from Virg Bodyfelt of Rock Springs, WY. She
wrote, “After countless hours of therapy originating from
guilt brought upon by two jugglers and a particular newsletter
consisting of the subliminal attempt of unmerciful criticism,
I sat down and drew an entry for your contest. Speaking on behalf
of your fans and newsletter recipients, it was not our apathy
for lack of entries, but perhaps we are, all 1394 of us, ‘artistically
challenged.’” We would like to thank Diane Williamson
and Catie Drone (Chesterfield, MO), Angela Konitski, Elizabeth
Torrisi and Allison (Rockford, IL), Kim Potter (Rochester, NY),
Elena Casaus (Pueblo, CO), Stephanie Curtice (Rochester, NY),
Virg Bodyfelt (Rock Springs, WY), Eric McGrath (Tipp City, OH),
Beth Wical (Lebanon, OH), Bobby Mullins (Denton, TX), and Stephanie
Garcia (Carrolton, TX) for their entries. We are thrilled by
the fact you made it so difficult for us to choose a winner.
You can see many of the submissions sprinkled thoughout the newsletter.
We would like to congratulate our winner, Virg Bodyfelt. Her
artwork is not only quality work, but also very funny. We would
like all of the contestants to know that the winner was selected
by secret ballot. (Now, just think about a secret ballot with
only two people. We will wait...Can we continue? Thank you.)
Even if you did not win, know that your artwork is going to be
displayed in Gene and Brad’s house. Most of the pieces have
already been framed and will have their gallery debut at the
APeX 2nd Anniversary of Incorporation Party. [Note: The savvy
reader will notice that the artwork on page ten was drawn by
Artist Unknown. That is not the name of the person who submitted
the work. We would like to find the artist. It was given to us
when we were in the Dallas/Ft. Worth area (St. Francis in Grapevine?).
Any information to find the artist would be greatly appreciated
(and rewarded).]
The response to the cover art contest was so great last time
that Gene once again feels loved. We have realized how cover
art entries have a positive impact on Gene’s mental health
(he hasn’t even once in the last four months tried having
a conversation with the couch in our living room). We have decided
to up the ante once again to insure that Gene does not slip again.
(It is always very nasty when he slips, and accuses all of the
furniture in the house of plotting against him). The winner of
the Spring/Summer cover art contest will receive a private show
by APeX for you and your friends. Cover art deadline is April
30th, 1999.
Big Thank You’s: Molly “Snoop Moll”
Molloy, Joia Ladd, and Marcus Pressl for helping us fold 3,000
newsletters. Pete Moreliwitz for all of his hard work in helping
to create APeX the postcard. Jim Zerdian for being the first
APeX Roadie. Mark and Terri Mercer for the use of the van to
get home. Brad’s Aunt Kathy for sending cookies. A world
of thanks goes to Adam “Lazlow” Hermanson, our 1998
summer intern. Adam you will never know the great number of blessings
you brought to the ministry. There was a void felt this winter
because of your absence (or maybe that was just the cold because
we can’t afford heat). |