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Originally appeared in APeX Attack #3 (January 1999)
APeX's Index
Number of states visited: 28 (Colorado, Delaware,
District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana,
Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan, Missouri, Nebraska,
New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania,
South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia,
Wyoming)
Number of states performed in: 23 (Colorado, District
of Columbia, Florida, Illinois, Indiana, Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana,
Maryland, Michigan, Missouri, Nebraska, New Jersey, New Mexico,
New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania, South Carolina,
Texas, Utah, Virginia, Wyoming)
Number of miles traveled by car to shows in September,
October, November, and December: 5636
Number of miles traveled by plane to shows in September,
October, November, and December: 13005
Number of shows in that time: 65
Most shows done in a three day stretch: 17
Number of entries left blank in the last APeX Index:
Ways Gene has spent the last five New Year Eve’s:
1994: In Wyoming, was sick and went to bed at 8 PM.
1995: In Wyoming watched Dick Clark ring in the New Year in New
York City at 10 PM. Mountain time then went to bed
1996: In Washington, DC, watched Sinbad blow up hotel on TV and
went to bed
1997: In Wyoming, worked on APeX Attacks number 1 till 3 AM.
1998: In Wyoming, cut and bleached hair and painted toenails
People who responded correctly to the, “Why the APeX
apprentices is named Lazlow?” contest: Michelle Long,
Penfield, NY (winner who has yet to claim her prize), Jim from
Lansing, MI (Brad forgot his last name and he already had a T-shirt),
Genny from Rochester, NY (who provided the first correct answer
but disqualified herself because she did not want the prize),
Jim Zerdian, Casper, WY
Why the APeX Apprenticeship is named Lazlow: Lazlow
Holyfelt was the character in the movie “Real Genius”
who lived in the closet. (OK, so he didn’t live in the closet,
but the door to his home was in a closet). Our first apprentice
lived in Gene’s closet.
Why the internship is suddenly referred to as APeX Apprenticeship:
Brad liked the sound of it.
Ways in which APeX has been billed: “They are
young. They are cute. They are Catholic.”; “The guy
with the hair and the guy with the guy with the hair.” (Which
prompted one of the youth to say that Gene should shave his head
so they could be “The guy with the hair and the guy without
the hair.”)
Number of years of incorporation as a non-profit APeX celebrates
February 7th, 1999: 2
Appropriate gift for first anniversary of incorporation:
shampoo
Appropriate gift for second anniversary of incorporation:
food
Appropriate gift for third anniversary of incorporation:
gold (it is worth a shot)
Number of Birthday cards Gene received in October: 1
Number of his own birthdays Gene celebrated between July
1 and December 31: 0
Actual biographic information used to introduce Gene or
Brad: Shark tamer, Zamboni mechanic, inspiration for Bart
Simpson’s haircut, shepherd in Jerusalem, Nobel prize winner,
rock slapper, and prairie dog herder.
Percent of biographical information that is true: 0
(Brad sdmits, however, that exagerations were encouraged)
Number of pairs of socks Gene owns: 8
Number of pairs of socks Gene’s mother threw away
when he was home for Christmas because they where “disgusting”:
5
Over the last two years things which have been left out
in Gene and Brad’s backyard over night: cars, a bike,
a weed wacker, a number of garbage cans, artwork by a past roommate,
bags of trash, gardening equipment, a rake, a ladder, shelves,
bar-b-q grill, and lawn chairs
Things which have been stolen from the back yard: one
garbage can
Number of times the same garbage can was stolen: 2
Number of times all of the garbage was picked up from every
house on Gene and Brad’s block except Gene and Brad’s:
11
Reason given by the DC Department of Sanitation why garbage
was not picked up: “Garbage must be in black bags.”
Gene and Brad were using white garbage bags.
Items in United Airlines High Street Emporium which most
excited Brad: remote controlled indoor flying blimp (something
no home should be without) and ariel photography model Cessna
(for the little spy in all of us, i guess)
Most interesting books found along the way: Xena: All
I Need to Know I Learned from the Warrior Princess (advice
we can all grow from, i’m sure) and Sew Your Own Bean
Bag Friends (never be lonely again)
Diameter of Largest gumball encountered: 1 3/4 inches
Gumball’s name: Tex Rex Gumball
Reason Gene could not get lemonade at Skyline Chili in
Cincinnati, OH: It was out of season.
Type of lemonade which that was out of season: Powdered
Minute Maid |