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 Originally appeared in APeX Attack #2 (August 1998)

From the Editors

Here it is. Only three or four months, like we promised, after the publication of the first "APeX Attacks" you have a copy of issue two in your hot little hands (or in Gene's case, cold clammy hands, which might explain a lot of the problems he has in his personal life... but we won't get into that here).

Many of you didn't think we could do it. Well, HA! (Now that we have that out of our systems, we can move on). After running our “Design the cover of ‘APeX Attacks’ Contest” we have come to one realization- that you do not love us, (at least not enough to spend thirty-two cents on a stamp to send us your entry). This has caused Gene a lot of stress. We looked into counseling for him. Unfortunately counseling is a very costly thing to come by. We tried to trade the prize we were offering for the contest in exchange for help for Gene, but the only thing we could get for our APeX T-shirt was a home Rorschach inkblot kit. (The box it came in read, "Now you too can diagnose minor psychosis in the comfort of your own home at a fraction of the cost of a trained professional. Guaranteed to add extra life to any party. Not recommended for children under the age of 4 or any one who is likely to eat things printed with soy-based inks.") Now all Gene does is sit in the corner looking at the inkblots and saying, "It looks like a butterfly. It looks like a butterfly…" This has provided Gene little help with his problems, but at least it is keeping him from eating the flowers in the back yard and barking at the neighbors. So we have decided to up the stakes this time. We figure that if we are not going to be loved for who we are, we can buy love (or at least buy attention). The person who provides the cover art for the next "APeX Attacks" will be taken to dinner at Brad's favorite restaurant, the Olive Garden (we are not really sure if that is Brad's favorite restaurant, but that is what he was told his favorite restaurant is). If we enjoy your company at dinner we will even pay for your meal. If the winner does not live near an Olive Garden we will pilgrimage to the closest one, or eat at an equivalent restaurant. With all of that being said, we would like to thank the four people (out of the over 1400 of you who received a newsletter) who took the time to create cover art for us. Thank you Jason Lengsorf. Thank you Tim Pfau. Thank you Melanie Bush. Thank you Jennifer Lynch. (Actually, Jen only gets half of a thank you. If you saw the picture you would know why.) Congratulations to our winner Jason of Ogden, UT. He can now add "APeX Attacks Cover Art Contest Grand Prizewinner for the Summer/Fall of 1998" to his applications to college. (We can only try to imagine the number of colleges who are beating down his door because of this great honor.)

You will notice in this addition that there are a few contributions from our intern, Adam Hermanson, AKA Lazlow. At this point it would be customary to say nice things about the work he has done for us this summer, but it might go to his head and there are still a few things he needs to finish before heading back to school. We are offering a free APeX T-shirt (this worked so well last time) to the first person who can figure out why his nickname (and now the whole internship program) is named Lazlow. There is enough information in this newsletter for you to figure it out. (Hint: think 80's movie with Val Kilmer) Also we will give a free T-shirt to the person who comes up with the best made-up story behind the name.

We would like to thank a few people. We would like to thank Francine Gilmer and James Brunet, Jr. for the photographs used in the last “APeX Attacts”. We made a mistake by not giving them credit last time. We would also like to thank Joia Ladd and Cheryl Klenda for the many hours they spent (and many layers of skin they lost) folding the last issue of "APeX Attacts”.