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Originally appeared in APeX Attack #2 (August 1998) 
APeX's Index
Number of states visited: 29 (Colorado, Delaware,
District of Columbia, Florida, Georgia, Iowa, Illinois, Indiana,
Kansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Michigan, Missouri, Nebraska,
New Mexico, New Jersey, New York, North Carolina, Ohio, Pennsylvania,
South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, Utah, Virginia, West Virginia,
Wyoming)
Number of states performed in: 20 (Colorado, District
of Columbia, Florida, Illinois, Indiana, Louisiana, Maryland,
Michigan, Missouri, New Jersey, New Mexico, New York, North Carolina,
Ohio, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Texas, Utah, Virginia, Wyoming)
Name of squirrel living in Gene and Brad's back yard: Willow
Oddest wildlife found in the inner city ecosystem, which
is Gene and Brad's ally: one raccoon (Yes a raccoon in
inner city Washington)
People Gene is said to resemble: Leonardo DeCaprio,
Michael J. Fox, Christopher Reeves, Austin Powers after he had
his teeth fixed, Mike Myers Blossom's oldest brother, Dean Martin
(just because Brad reminded people of Jerry Lewis. They had to
say something about Gene so he wouldn't feel bad), Luke Perry,
The SunglassHut poster guy, and The Wallflowers (Gene, Brad,
and Adam were thought to be the whole group)
Number of youth workers it takes to change a tire:
3 (Two to work on the tire and one to juggle for the passengers
of the car and anyone else driving by on I-40)
Most people staying in Gene and Brad's house at one time
(including housemates): 16
Number of people who have lived in Gene and Brad's house
in the two years they have been there: 9 (and the tenth
is moving in September)
Most hours Gene drove without a stop: 7 ½ (that
is when he ran out of gas)
Number of times Gene and Brad performed an interpretive
dance this summer: 3
Number of times in the last year Gene was called Brad:
237
Number of those by Brad's girlfriend: 35
Number of those by Brad's mother: 2
Number of rental cars driven in the last year: 12
Number of rental cars Gene drove into telephone poles:
1
Number of miles driven to and from shows in 1998 to date:
Number of miles flown to and from shows in 1998 to date:
Number of miles ridden on bicycle by Gene to and from shows
in 1998 to date: 9
Number of issue number one of "APeX Attacks"
distributed with cover art contest rules: 1500
Number of cover art entries sent in: 4 (Oh, we are
not bitter about this at all)
Number of times a member of APeX was mistaken for a member
of an event janitorial staff: 7
Number of wedding's Gene attended this summer: 3
Number of Gene's other friends (yes he has friends) who
got married this summer: 3
Number of friends who got engaged this summer: 3
Number of dates Gene had in the same time period: 0
Number of times Gene, Brad, or Adam have said, "And
to all of you…Welcome!…Welcome!" or some other
line from the play, Troubadour: 4,324,132
Best Gene and Brad impersonation: BJ and Daniel of
Farmers Branch, TX (Greg and Heather a close second in Belleville,
IL)
Best response to an Adam Hermanson joke: "It wasn't
that funny, but I will laugh anyway." Paul Lindauer
Number of World Cup soccer games Gene watched in English:
5
Number of World Cup soccer games Gene watched in Spanish:
45
Number of World Cup soccer games Gene watched in English
when he also had the option to watch in Spanish: 0
Number of words Gene knows in Spanish: maybe 100
Things we have learned on the road:
The stop X in Boston is the oldest subway stop in the world.
(Which is really great, but if it is the oldest, it also must
be the first. What did it connect to? Or when you got on there
did you just ride all the way around the world until you got
back to the same stop?)
Billy Bob's of Ft. Worth, TX is the largest honky tonk in
the world. (We are still not real sure what a honky tonk is.)
Nebraska is the home of Arbor Day.
DeSoto, IA is the birthplace of Clint Eastwood.
Ronald Reagan went to College in Eureka, IL.
The crack in the Liberty Bell was not visible to the naked
eye until they attempted to repair it.
The El Rancho Motel in Gallup, NM is haunted with the ghosts
of dead movie stars (opposed to the ghosts of live movie stars).
Airlines will still run flights with only three people on
the plane. (Can you imagine being stuck on a plane with only
us?)
The traditional dish served on Monday in Southern Louisiana
is red beans and rice. (This is because it is a slow cooking
dish and you can do your laundry without having to worry about
the cooking much.)
Two young men will have the undivided attention of the 750
students of an all girls' high school.
The best/simplest definition of Gene and Brad is, "Gene
just talks and Brad is crazy." Benjamin Peredez, age 9
When you don't have a glass to drink out of, as measuring
cup is a good substitute.
Paul Florez, of Lubbock, TX, has a big ego.
Brad looks just like Kenny.
New Mexico is the "Land of Enchantment".
The Albuquerque Airport has a display of license plates from
all fifty states. The number, which appears on each plate, is
the order in which the respective state joined the union. It
took over a year for the president of the License Plate Collectors
Association of America (an Albuquerque native) to put the collection
together.
There is a town in Kentucky named Jelloco.
Pueblo, Colorado is the home of many great Native American
Artisans (and neither Brad nor Gene can afford any of their works).
You will get extra peanuts on planes (and monkeys in Dallas)
if you are friendly.
Gene should not sing in public. (Well, we knew that before,
but the sentiment was reaffirmed).
The Catholic Church in Lindsey, TX is one of the most beautiful
in the world (at least in Gene's estimation).
Don't make faces in the mirror at the Ripley's Believe it
or Not Museum.
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